Salma Tahir
There goes a quotation by Abigail Van Buren, “Wisdom does not automatically come with old age. Nothing does except wrinkles. It is true that some wines improve with age. But only if the grapes were good in the first place.” It is obvious that not all old people are wise.
Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin are outstanding examples. Some old people, like people of any age, are simply foolish, inconsiderate, self-absorbed, or even outright malicious or cruel. When I was younger, I often heard the phrase, “Just wait until you get older and wiser.” At the time, I did not give it much thought.
Now, a lot older, I understand the truth behind those words. With age has come not just experience, but a deeper appreciation of what truly matters and a realisation that wisdom often lies in shifting our perspective. Take this, for example: when I was younger, I cherished an autograph from Benazir Bhutto. It felt like one of the most valuable things I owned. Yet today, I look at that memory differently. Benazir Bhutto was a great politician and leader, no doubt, but she did not play with me after school. She did not help me with my homework or read to me before bed.
She did not guide me through life’s tough moments, encourage my dreams or believe in me when I did not believe in myself. Now, I see that the real heroes in my life have been the people who showed up consistently, quietly shaping me as a person; my parents, my siblings, my close friends, special colleagues and yes, my teachers. Wise individuals are not born with wisdom. Their wisdom is acquired over time and often with difficulty. They have a broad perspective.
That is, they do not focus on what is trivial or superficial; nor do they confine themselves to just one aspect of human thought or activity. The concept of wisdom evolves with age, influenced by an individual’s accumulated experiences, changes in the perception of time, and the development of values such as empathy and resilience through different life stages. Emotional factors and life experiences significantly contribute to wisdom, with older individuals often showing a greater ability to manage emotional responses and maintain positivity in challenging situations. Wisdom can be actively developed through life experiences, reflection and learning, not just as a byproduct of ageing.
I believe the elderly provide a deeper insight and are better equipped to provide moral guidance and insight into life’s problems and challenges. Maybe the real question then is not if older people are wiser, but rather, are we doing enough to listen to their wisdom? As I started to look into this, I realised that not even the experts agree on how to define or measure wisdom. For me, the definition that seemed to make the most sense was that of “practical wisdom,” described as “doing the right thing, at the right time, for the right reasons,” an application of knowledge and experience to new life challenges. Integral to this idea is the motivation for doing good.
When faced with real-life decisions, how do you integrate multiple perspectives, balance intellect with emotion, or navigate uncertainty with limited information? How do we find solutions that meet our needs as well as society’s needs? A recent systematic review has identified common components in wisdom, general knowledge of life and social decision making; emotional regulation; pro-social behaviours like compassion and empathy; insight or self-reflection; acceptance of different value systems; decisiveness; spirituality, openness to new experiences and sense of humour. Let us start off with some ideas of what wisdom entails. For such a little word, it’s given a lot of people a hard time.
In my opinion, wisdom is based on experience, so it makes sense that increasing your experiences will help develop wise thinking. I have a motto of “do something scary every day.” My father knows this and will often remind me to push myself out of my comfort zone. Yes, I do make mistakes, but then correct and reflect on them. That knowledge benefits me in the future. Wisdom is also to have an open mind.
Meeting people I would not normally talk with and trying to get a better understanding of their perspective. When invited to a dinner party, I never sit with anyone I know. I find people so interesting that I want to get to know somebody new. Try it, and see what you find out. Learning something new is also wise.
Not only has this shown to help decrease risk for dementia, but it also helps make one wiser. We have already been through a lot of schooling, but our love of knowledge was one of the things that got us here. Go to a museum, read a book, take an art class, and learn a language. There are myriad ways that we can expand our horizons with new ideas and interests. It is also important to find wise mentors. I routinely rely on my mentors for help with difficult decisions. While I wish I were as wise as they are, I have found that emulating them has helped me improve my skills. You do not have to be everyone’s friend. Another early lesson learned, but a tough one, I am still working on. Truthfully, do you really want to be everyone’s friend? Especially as we grow in our careers and responsibilities, do not confuse “like” with “respect.” Pay attention.
It is so easy these days to become distracted with work, devices, family duties, etc. We often feel we can multitask and try to do too much at once. I know I am often guilty of that. One advantage of the COVID times was the opportunity to look at our priorities and make time for them. Make sure that the time we spend is really focused on that person or activity. Find your joy. This is my happiest maxim, and one that I find is getting easier for me. Maybe it is the old age amygdala, but lately, I am able to find joy in things both simple and amazing. A joyful life produces positive energy and encourages us to look to the future with high hopes. Find the things that make you feel joyful, and bring them into your life more often. We lived most of our lives with delayed gratification, but the time to experience joy is now. As I have aged and hopefully become wiser, I have said goodbye to old patterns and stories that do not serve me anymore.
Life teaches you in ways school never could. Wisdom is when we start seeing people clearly; when we start valuing peace over popularity; when we start choosing growth over gossip, and when we start protecting our energy like it is gold. Age does not give us years, it gives us clarity, wisdom, discernment and a mindset that refuses to repeat old cycles. A high value individual evolves with time, outgrowing old habits, old circles and old versions of herself.
I hope this little exploration into wisdom has brought you some new insights, and even some challenges. I definitely felt encouraged looking through the literature and understanding that wise people are not born, they are nurtured and grown from the rest of us. Although I do not feel I have become that wise older woman, I do feel that there is potential. Growth is a continuous process during which we feel enlightened and lighter. When we look back and proudly claim we have become wiser and stronger, know that the credit is ours. Have faith and be gentle with yourself.
The writer is a seasoned professional and a freelance columnist. She can be reached at tbjs.cancer.1954 @gmail.com
