Aamir Zulfiqar Khan
In the crisp autumn of October 2025, as the battle between day and night rages on, ushering in the winter season, one of the most profound timeless questions, “How to be happy?”, lingers deep inside me. In our hyper-connected, AI-driven world where every day more and more depressing news is the norm, further accentuated by social media creating a conundrum of negativity every minute, the achievement of happiness seems frustratingly elusive.
Interestingly, the Oxford Dictionary defines happiness as “the state of being happy.” It defines happy as “feeling or showing pleasure or contentment.” Thus, being happy is ephemeral and relative and cannot be defined in absolute terms. Contrary to the past, when happiness was primarily a philosophical construct, it is now measured against different KPIs, gamified on apps and commodified in wellness businesses. The entire advertising industry relies on the linchpin: “How to make customers happy?”
Being a social animal, human beings have, from the birth of their species, been closely knit. The human child is, if not the most, then one of the most brittle offsprings in the world of mammals. Without continuous protection, love, and support, no child can survive, and this is essential for their first 2–5 years of life. So, right from the first breath, Homo sapiens get connected physically and emotionally to another. And this contact, which is initially developed in the mother’s womb, continues till the last breath.
Despite an avalanche of technology unleashed by the digital revolution, human closeness is still a basic ingredient of our society. The entire edifice is built on the family, which defines a person’s growth and the trajectory his or her life would take. The World Happiness Report 2025 finds Finland, for the eighth consecutive year, as the happiest country in the world. The report emphasises social support, “caring and sharing,” and volunteering as the most potent factors of happiness. The USA ranks 23rd, down from previous years due to rising inequality and social fragmentation. Pakistan is ranked 109th out of 147 countries, which is a slight drop from its 108th position last year. Thus, we are in the bottom third of the world.
The “Harvard Study of Adult Development” is an odyssey into happiness. Launched in 1938, it is one of the longest-running studies of human life in history. One part, “The Grant Study,” has tracked 268 Harvard College sophomores from the classes of 1942–1944. The other part, “The Glueck Study,” has followed the life journeys of 456 boys from Boston’s poorest inner-city neighbourhoods. Over the decades, the scope expanded to include their spouses, children, and now grandchildren, creating a multi-generational dataset of over 2,000 people. The key findings of this research on happiness are extremely crucial.
The most important finding is: “The strongest predictor of long-term happiness, health, and even longevity is the quality of our relationships.” Close ties with family, friends, and community outperform money, social class, IQ, genes, or career success in fostering contentment. When asked to grade four factors of happiness, they were rated as friends, family, health, and money.
Loneliness was found to be as deadly as smoking or unhealthy living, increasing mortality risk by 26% for older adults, as it weakens the immune system, raises blood pressure, and disrupts sleep. In the era of social isolation and machines fast replacing human beings, exacerbated by social media, remote work, and post-COVID isolation, positive human contact is the panacea and a guard against modern negative influences.
Over the eons, the society of the subcontinent, although divided into castes, religions, cultural differences, etc., has always prided itself on having a very strong social network. Whether it is immediate family, friends, neighbourhood, or society as a whole, kinship is the defining contour. The concept of “Yaar” is something that makes us very special. Just go down memory lane and revisit the shenanigans one did in younger days based on the belief that Yaars would have our backs. Even today, when one meets old friends, the laughter that erupts is from the soul. An evening well spent with friends is more relaxing than any material subterfuge.
So, what to do? In the ultimate analysis, happy moments are the ones that really matter. But in our quest for material success, we have lost ourselves. Those who have progressed more have left their friends behind. Those who could not, feel depressed. The same holds true for family. Empty-nest parents long for their children and grandchildren. Homes built through sweat and labour are now just mortar and brick. Life has reduced the living space to just a single bedroom and a lounge.
As a first step, take out the list of your childhood friends and host a lunch or dinner. The only item on the menu would be laughter. The impact it creates lingers on for days. And if it becomes a regular feature of life, rest assured a lot of stress is dissipated.
Arrange a family get-together. Invite everyone, even if they have wronged you at some point in your life. Remember the golden times. Laugh about the foolishness of youth. And try to ensure that the skeletons of arguments, envy, and hatred stay buried. It may appear as hypocrisy initially, but slowly people will reciprocate, making the family stronger.
Rediscover your passions. You have given enough to the world. Do what you always wanted to do but could not because of different reasons. Passion can unleash the fountain of happiness and fulfilment like no other.
Reinvigorate your faith. It is your defining contour. Religion is one of the greatest forces on the planet. In submission, the pathway to nirvana lies.
Meditation can cure the blackness of the heart. It can overcome sadness and depression. Take some time out. Close your eyes. Think of the good things you have. Remove the negative thoughts. Listen to the music of the cosmos. Try to get drowned in it.
The pursuit of happiness is the end goal of every living thing. Just look at a child and observe how he or she laughs at the silliest things. Till the vagaries of time and circumstances strike, the laughter is unadulterated and powerful.
Believe me, your child is still living in you. Go discover it.
The writer is a senior public policy expert who has served as Inspector General of Police, Punjab, Islamabad and National Highway & Motorways Police. He can be reached at amzkhan.lhr@gmail.com
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